When I saw a video of Hillary Clinton downing a shot of Crown Royal whiskey in Bronko’s Restaurant and Lounge in Crown Point, Ind., on Saturday night, I was delighted to see that she has finally learned what campaigning for president is all about.

Some potential ideas for Drinking Games to decide our president:

• Quarters: Hey there’s a president on the quarter. It seems perfect but will it resonate with the Real Americans or just college frat boys?
• Beer Pong: Ditto, but this is something I could see making Spike TV into our election coverage leader.
• Speed Drinking: This could be especially important in the primary as the last World Record Holder (before the category being dropped from the Guinness Book) was from Pennsylvania. Have Steven Petrosino officiate.
• SOTU Drinking Game: Candidates are forced to watch all of George W. Bush’s SOTU speeches and follow the drinking game rules for those speeches. Last candidate to pass out wins.
• Old School Drink Them Under The Table: Easy. The candidates all sit around a table and start drinking shots. Rotate the shots so that all parts of America feel “connected with”. Bourbon, whiskey, vodka, jello shots, the whole gamut. Last candidate standing is the Rootenist Tootenist Connectitiest With Real Americans President 2008!!!

Hillary Prepares for Drink Off To The White House 2008

Think about it – no annoying advertising. No canvassers at your door during dinner. No stupid talking heads. Just the candidates being like “Real Americans” and drowning their pain in alcohol – for the good of our nation. And all we have to worry about is the alcohol lobby and undue influence from foreign spirits.

Thank you Roger Simon. You’ve transformed our electoral process.